Introductory Letter
Dear Professor Brad Blackstone,
I am You Cong and I studied Automation and Mechatronic System with a Minor in Business Management
from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. My interest in engineering came about when I was in
secondary school, as I find myself constantly curious, and always on the
lookout for new problems or solutions to existing problems. This sparks my
interest in engineering as I can potentially solve a real-life problem. On top
of that, I believe being able to come up with a solution is not enough, but
able to discuss and pitch your ideas to others is equally important. The
problems will never be solved if the solutions are not communicated well.
Hence, I chose business management as my minor.
My
communication strength is being able to pitch my ideas to other fellow
engineers and potential investors. As someone who has gone through both
engineering and business management courses, I am well-equipped to communicate
with others at ease. With my vast engineering knowledge, I am not afraid to open up to new ideas or challenges being thrown at me.
My
communication weakness is my poor pacing and enunciation of words.
Occasionally, to prevent my train of thought from being broken, I will tend to
jumble up my words or even stutter when vocalizing. This happens when I want to
express my ideas in words quickly to prevent myself from forgetting. Which
often leads to me spiraling down into poor enunciation.
Personally,
I would like to conquer my communication weakness through your module. I hope
to be able to express myself freely while keeping up with my fast thoughts. In
return, I believe I will have a clearer enunciation of words under pressure.
My
edge over others is I can deliver and demonstrate my ideas better, from my course
and experience during internship. It is not just for future employers but also
potential investors. It is the most valuable asset I currently possess and
its an edge over others as I can deliver my thoughts to others more easily.
Best Regards,
You Cong
In the terms of organization, I love the clear paragraphing which gives a pleasant reading experience. However, the sign off was lacking. For content, maybe can state your name in the first sentence so the recipient could know you are the one sending him. Also, I feel you could further elaborate on the goals for this module. Overall, very concise and informative.
ReplyDeleteHi Royson, thanks for pointing it out. I have made amendment to my letter with your suggestion. Thank You!
DeleteHi You Cong,
ReplyDeletejust some things to take note of:
1) pitch your ideas can be replaced with pitch "my" ideas, as you want to be talking about yourself.
2)I would add something like " I am well equipped with the knowledge and skills to communicate. As compared to just engineering and business, you are able to communicate well might not directly be linked.
3)Paragraph 3 "Which" can be replaced with " That". You can use which better if it is a coma, for eg, which is something so on and so far...
I can feel what engineering means to you and what are you plans and goals set ahead of you. Hope that at the end of the module, we will be able to improve our communication skills and excel together!
Thank you for taking time to read my letter. I will learn amend accordingly.
DeleteHi You Cong, great job on your letter, especially on how you show your keen interest in engineering by explaining your course of choice in polytechnic. What I would suggest is to elaborate more on your internship. It may help your letter in showing your experiences and competencies. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading through my letter. I will like to share more about my wonderful internship if word limits allow. Feel free to ask me in class.
Deletehello, you did an excellent job of explaining how you discovered your interest in engineering and why you chose to minor in business. One thing i really like is how you talk about your strength and how it benefits you when paired with your engineering knowledge. Would love to know about your goals for this modules though! Overall good job, I really enjoyed reading the letter.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading through my letter. I will like to write more about my goals for this modules though if word limits allow.
DeleteHi You Cong, excelent write up on your letter!
ReplyDeleteThe letter was well structured and easy to read. paragraphing and structure was spot on and I enjoyed reading to know more about you.
some things to note on improving your letter is firstly, ther are some minor gramatical problems in the letter. For example, in the 1st paragraph, you mentioned "My interest in engineering came about when I was in secondary school, as I find myself constantly curious, and always on the lookout for new problems or solutions to existing problems." you could have rephrased it as My interest in engineering came about when I was in secondary school where I find myself constantly curious and always on the lookout for new problems and solutions to existing problems.
Secondly, it would also be better if you could write about how you plan to conquer your communication weakness like via class discussions or presentations.
Overall an very good job, you have a bright future ahead of you. See you in class!✌
Thank you for reading through my letter. I will learn and improve more from this module.
DeleteHello YouCong! I cant believe we were from the same course, just different specialisation, and our reasons to pursue engineering are similar! I like how you have a clear objective of how you want to approach and continuously looking for improvements even before you start a career.
ReplyDeleteAfter communicating with you, I do believe you are able to pitch your ideas clearly to others. You have also mentioned that you have poor pacing and enunciation of words, which I can relate to you as well. I do think you tend to speak too fast, hence I feel that you can try to take it easy and give yourself time to catch up on your thoughts. Regardless, your emphasis on keywords has allowed me to understand what information you are trying to relay to me.
I believe we will conquer our weakness and brush up on our strengths through this class!
Thank you for reading through my letter. We will overcome this module together and be a better communicator.
DeleteThank you, YouCong, for this clearly focused, highly informative letter. I appreciate the way that you have used your business education experience and ablity to pitch ideas as the basis for a discussion of your unique angle within the field of engineering. You also tie your professional needs to your goals, which indeed is a good way to view the module. I'm glad you see communication as a necessary part of that equation.
ReplyDeleteWhat would enhance this letter is a clearer picture of what your intership entailed.
There are also some language issues to consider:
1. verb issues
-- ...when I was in secondary school, as I find myself constantly curious, and always on the lookout for new problems or solutions to existing problems. This sparks my interest in engineering as I can potentially solve a real-life problems. > (inconsistent verb tense: Which event was in the past?) ?
2. overuse of caps
-- I studied Automation and Mechatronic System with a Minor in Business Management from...
> ?
3. sentence fragment
-- Which often leads to me spiraling down into poor enunciation. > ?
Let's work on these.
Besty wishes,
Brad
Hi prof, thank you for reading through my letter. I will have noted my mistakes and learnt from it.
Delete